5 Steps to Help Your Toddler Reverse Picky Eating (Without Pressure, Battles, or Tricking Them)

If you’ve ever sat across from your toddler at dinner thinking, “How did we get here?”—you’re not alone. Picky eating is one of the most universal toddler struggles, right up there with bedtime stalling, early morning wake-ups, and the infamous “wrong color cup” meltdown.

Recently, I sat down with my friend, dietitian and toddler feeding expert Alyssa Miller, and we had the BEST conversation about why picky eating happens and the simple, research-backed steps parents can take to help kids become more confident, flexible eaters.

And the best part? These steps don’t involve bribes, pressure, sneaking vegetables into brownies, or turning dinner into a performance art piece.

Today, I want to share the 5 steps Alyssa teaches to help reverse toddler picky eating—plus my own perspective as a pediatric sleep coach on why toddler sleep plays a surprisingly big role in all of this.

Let’s dig in.

Step 1: Shift the goal from “eat the broccoli” to “build skills”

This was my favorite thing Alyssa said in our entire conversation:

“Picky eating isn’t a behavior problem. It’s a developmental skill we need to support.”

Toddlers aren't refusing foods to be difficult—they’re navigating new textures, strong flavors, independence, and big feelings. When we focus on building skills rather than getting bites in, everything changes.

Instead of:

“Just try one bite.”

“Please eat this for me.”

Bribing with dessert.

Try reframing to:

“Your job is to listen to your body.”

“All foods on the table are optional.”

“You don’t have to eat it, but you can explore it.”

You’ll be amazed how much calmer mealtimes become when the pressure disappears.

Step 2: Create a safe, predictable mealtime structure

Toddlers thrive on routine in nearly every part of their world, feeding and sleeping included. When meals happen at the same times each day, toddlers feel safe. Safety leads to exploration. Exploration leads to new foods.

A predictable structure looks like:

• Meals and snacks every 2.5–3 hours

• Water in between

• Sitting together at the table (or wherever your family eats)

• Parents decide what and when

• Kids decide whether and how much

This structure is the feeding version of a bedtime routine—it reduces resistance, builds trust, and lowers stress for everyone.

And speaking of structure… Toddlers who are overtired often eat worse. If your child is struggling with both toddler picky eating and toddler sleep, you may be feeling that double whammy at dinner. The calmer and more rested your child is, the easier these moments become.

Step 3: Make food exploration the goal (not eating)

This is where the magic happens.

Alyssa teaches a concept called “food exposure without expectations.” Basically: the more your toddler interacts with a food, the more likely they’ll eventually eat it.

Exploration can look like:

• Touching

• Sniffing

• Licking

• Using a toothpick

• Helping stir or sprinkle

• Moving food from one bowl to another

• Serving themselves tiny portions (“micro portions”)

Alyssa had a great example about a toddler who spent an entire dinner dipping broccoli in ketchup just to lick the ketchup off. That’s progress! That’s engagement! That’s a toddler saying, “I’m learning.”

You’re normalizing the food without forcing it.

Step 4: Calm your nervous system—because they mirror you

During our interview, Alyssa said something that hit me hard:

“Your child can’t feel confident at the table if you feel stressed sitting across from them.”

Wow. And also… ouch.

Just like at bedtime, toddlers mirror our emotional energy. If you're tense, anxious, or laser-focused on every bite, they feel it instantly.

So before mealtimes, ask yourself: “How do I feel right now?”

If the answer is:

• Worried

• Frustrated

• Bracing for battle

• Already exhausted

…your toddler feels that energy too.

Try a quick reset:

• Deep breath 

• Shoulders down

• Neutral face

• “I’m the leader. I create calm.”

This is the exact same mindset shift I coach parents through with toddler sleep—your calm confidence becomes the anchor your child relies on.

Step 5: Use positive reinforcement appropriately

This is where many parents get stuck.

Alyssa is not talking about:

- Sticker charts for bites

- Rewards for clearing plates

- Dessert as leverage

Instead, the focus is on positive reinforcement for behaviors like:

- Coming to the table

- Trying a new utensil

- Serving themselves

- Touching or sniffing a new food

- Using words instead of whining

The goal is to build confidence, not pressure.

And for parents who want a deeper dive into these strategies, Alyssa has an amazing free training that explains her full approach. You can find it right here—it's a great next step if picky eating feels like a never-ending battle.

A Final Thought: Sleep + Food Are Deeply Connected

So many parents tell me: “My toddler is a picky eater AND bedtime is a struggle. Is that normal?”

Yes. VERY normal.

An overtired toddler is:

- more rigid

- more sensitive to textures

- more emotional

- less flexible around change

- more clingy at the table and at bedtime

When kids are well-rested, they’re calmer, more adaptable, and more open to new experiences—including new foods.

If you feel like picky eating is overwhelming and bedtime is going off the rails, it might be time to strengthen both sides of the routine.

And I can help with that.

Ready to improve toddler sleep, too? Join my free sleep workshop.

If bedtime battles, early mornings, or night wakings are exhausting you, I’d love to help you get your evenings back. Join my free Toddler Sleep Workshop. I’ll teach you my “Get Out of the Room” strategy, how to build independent sleep skills, and how to create a bedtime routine that actually works. You deserve sleep. Your child deserves confidence. And your evenings? You deserve those back, too.