How to Get Your 3-Year-Old to Stay in Their Bed All Night

Jessica Berk
3 days ago
4 min read

When my daughter was 3, here’s what sleep looked like for me:

I’d take her up for bedtime and somehow end up falling asleep in her room until around 10pm.

I’d sneak out and drag myself to my own bed… only to be woken up by her crying around 2am.

I’d go back in, lay with her for another 30 minutes, sneak out again—and then wake up at 4am to find her wedged between me and my husband with no idea how she even got there.

If you’re playing musical beds all night with your preschooler, this is for you.

Today we’re talking about how to get your kid to actually stay in their bed all night.

I’m going to walk you through why they keep coming out, what you might be doing (without realizing it) that’s keeping the cycle going, and how to fix it—without bribes, yelling, or turning into Mean Mommy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SenMM8Ev_xU

Why Your Toddler Isn’t Staying in Bed

Let’s start with the big question: Why is your child getting out of bed in the first place?

Here’s the truth. Preschoolers are smart. Their brains are wired for connection. And they learn way more from experience than from anything we say.

So if your child has learned that leaving their room leads to cuddles, extra books, sleeping in your bed—or even negotiating and arguing—guess what? That becomes their go-to move.

They’re not being bad. They’ve just figured out what works.

And here’s the tricky part: any attention counts.

Positive attention like snuggles or snacks keeps them coming out. But frustration, lecturing, and negotiating count too. Whatever gets your attention is likely to continue.

For a lot of kids, this also ties back to separation anxiety. You’re their favorite person. Of course they want more time with you.

Sometimes it’s also habit. They wake up, don’t quite know what to do, and default to finding you.

And sometimes? It’s simply because they can. They’re not in a crib anymore. Freedom is exciting.

Here’s the key, though: What happens after they leave their room is what determines whether the behavior sticks.

And that part? You actually have control over.

Top Mistakes Parents Make That Reinforce the Problem

Let’s quickly cover a few common things that accidentally make this worse.

1. Letting them climb into your bed “just this once”

Even if it’s only once in a while—or only after 5am—your toddler doesn’t understand “sometimes.”

To them, it’s either allowed or it’s not.

So if you say no most nights but cave occasionally, they’ll test every night just to see which version they’re getting.

2. Engaging too much when they leave their room

If they come out and get a tuck-in, a snack, a long conversation, or even a lecture… it’s still attention.

You’re feeding the behavior you want to stop.

3. Sending mixed signals at bedtime

If bedtime involves you laying with them until they’re fully asleep, they never practice falling asleep on their own.

And since sleep cycles naturally shift all night long, when they stir at 2am and you’re not there? Their brain panics.

That’s why they come looking for you.

And listen—if you’re doing any of this out of love, exhaustion, or survival mode? Same. I’ve been there. This isn’t about guilt. It’s about course-correcting.

So let’s talk about what to do instead.

Step 1: Reset Bedtime for Sleep Independence

If you want your child to stay in their bed all night, they have to know how to fall asleep there on their own.

That means not laying down with them. No sneaking out. No becoming the sleep trigger.

There are lots of ways to work toward this. You might sit next to the bed instead of in it. You might do check-ins. You might walk them back calmly if they get up.

The method matters less than the goal.

They need to fall asleep in their room, without your body being required.

Think predictable. Loving. And solo.

They should fall asleep under the same conditions they’ll experience all night long.

Step 2: Use the Silent Return

When you start changing things, expect pushback. That’s normal.

Your child will come out of their room—at bedtime or in the middle of the night.

Every time they do, you calmly return them.

No lectures. No extra cuddles. No frustration on your face (I know… easier said than done).

Just a short phrase: “It’s bedtime. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Walk them back. Leave.

If they come out ten times, you return them ten times. Same words. Same tone. Same routine.

It’s boring. And that’s exactly why it works.

When leaving the room stops being interesting—or rewarding—it loses its power.

Step 3: Give Them Ownership and Predictability

Kids do better when they feel some control.

This can look like:

A visual bedtime routine
An OK-to-Wake clock that shows when it’s morning
A simple reward system (stickers for staying in bed, a small prize after a few nights)

You’re creating structure and helping them feel successful.

That “I did it” feeling is incredibly motivating.