5 Toddler Bedtime Mistakes Every Exhausted Parent Makes

Is putting your toddler to bed the most stressful part of your day? You’re not alone, and chances are, a few sneaky mistakes might be making it harder than it needs to be. The good news? Once you know what they are, you can fix them… and your evenings can start to feel so much easier.

You probably have a picture in your mind of what bedtime should look like: sweet snuggles, a cozy book, a peaceful tuck-in with your little one drifting off to sleep.But real life? Feels more like a wrestling match. Every night turns into a power struggle, and no matter what you try, it just keeps spiraling.

If you’re stuck in bedtime battles that last way too long—or you’re ending every night feeling frustrated, exhausted, and maybe a little guilty—this is for you. Today I’m walking you through the 5 most common bedtime mistakes that secretly sabotage your toddler’s sleep.

These are the habits that leave your child more wired, more anxious, and more dependent on you than ever. But once you spot them? You’ll be amazed at how quickly things can turn around.

---

>>Watch this blog on my Awesome Little Sleepers YouTube channel! 👇

Avoid these mistakes to help toddler bedtime go more smoothly

Mistake #1: Being Overtired for Bedtime

Have you been thinking, “My toddler will sleep when they’re tired”? Oh mama. I wish it worked that way. But the truth is, It just doesn’t.

Toddlers are still figuring out the world around them, and they want to be part of all of it. Most parents describe it as toddler FOMO (fear of missing out) and it’s so real. At ages 3 and 4, kids are starting to realize: “Wait a second… Mom and Dad are still awake when I’m in bed?!” And since you’re their favorite person, of course they want to be where you are.

But here’s the tricky part: toddlers don’t have the maturity or self-awareness to recognize when they’re tired and need sleep. So instead of crashing… they push through. And that’s when overtiredness sneaks in.

It sounds backward, but when toddlers don’t get enough sleep, it actually makes it harder for them to fall asleep. Their body starts pumping out cortisol and adrenaline - basically the biological equivalent of 10 cups of coffee. Hello, second wind.

So what’s the solution? Prioritize sleep before they hit that overtired state. That means aiming for an early, age-appropriate bedtime. For kids under 6, that’s usually lights out before 8 PM, with a goal of 10–12 hours of sleep each night. It might feel early, but it’s the best way to set their body (and brain) up for restful, restorative sleep.

Mistake #2: Inconsistent Routines

You know that feeling when your first cup of coffee signals, “Okay, it’s time to start the day”? Toddlers feel the exact same way about routines. Only for them, routines aren’t just helpful, they’re essential.

Predictable rhythms help young kids make sense of their world. They learn, “On Mondays we go to preschool. After lunch, we nap. Dinner comes before bath.” That kind of structure gives them a sense of safety and control in a world that often feels big and unpredictable.

That’s why your bedtime routine needs to be just as consistent. No matter who’s putting your child to bed, the routine should stay the same. Because without a clear, predictable pattern, bedtime can feel like a free-for-all, and that’s when power struggles start creeping in.

If Mom reads two books but Dad reads twelve, guess who’s begging Mom for twelve books tomorrow? If asking for a snack leads to a trip to the pantry, suddenly they’re starving at bedtime every night.

What works instead? Create a short, simple routine, ideally just 15 to 20 minutes, where the steps always stay the same and always follow the same order.

Something like: Pajamas → Brush teeth → Two books → Hugs and lights out.

This sequence becomes their mental checklist. And when their brain knows what’s coming next, it can relax. Predictability feels safe. And that safety is the foundation for peaceful, drama-free bedtimes.

Mistake #3: Creating Confusing Sleep Associations

If your toddler can only fall asleep while being rocked, held, or with you lying next to them every night… guess what happens when they stir at 2AM?

They need those same exact conditions to fall back asleep.

This isn’t about “bad habits,” it’s just how the brain works. Toddlers build strong sleep associations with whatever happens right before they drift off. So if falling asleep always involves you, their brain decides you are the cue for sleep whether it’s 7:30 at night or 2:30 in the morning.

So how do we fix it?

The goal is to gently shift toward independent sleep. That means helping your child learn to fall asleep without needing you right next to them. There are different ways to get there—some gradual, some faster—but all of them work toward the same goal: breaking that tight link between you and sleep so your toddler can settle down on their own.

Want to learn exactly how to do that step-by-step? I teach my full “get out of their room” strategy in my free toddler sleep workshop. You can sign up at awesomelittlesleepers.com/workshop.

Mistake #4: Not Setting Boundaries (...Usually Because of Guilt)

Here’s the thing: loving your child deeply doesn’t mean saying yes to every single bedtime request. In fact, confidently saying “no” can actually be one of the most loving things you do.

Like we’ve talked about, most toddlers don’t yet have the maturity or self-awareness to choose to stay in their room and go to sleep on their own. They need you to set the boundaries that make sleep feel safe and predictable.

But so many parents I work with feel torn. They worry that setting limits will hurt their child’s feelings or damage the relationship. So they give the extra snack… they agree to “just one more” book… and suddenly it’s 10PM and everyone’s overtired and upset.

Here’s what to do instead: Know that boundaries = safety. 

Clear, kind limits say to your child, “I’ve got you. You don’t have to be in charge.” Try something like: “This is the last book, and then it’s time for sleep. I love you, and I’ll see you in the morning.” The earlier you start setting and reinforcing those bedtime boundaries, the sooner your child learns to relax and feel secure drifting off to sleep.

Mistake #5: Parental Anxiety at Bedtime

This one’s sneaky, but wow, is it powerful. If you feel tense the moment bedtime starts, your child can feel it.

Kids are emotional mirrors. If your energy says, “Ugh, here we go again,” they’ll likely respond with resistance, clinginess, or full-blown meltdowns. And I get it—if bedtime has been a mess lately, of course you’re feeling anxious. But here’s the hard truth: that tension actually fuels the bedtime chaos.

So what can you do?

Start by using the steps we’ve covered to shift what’s not working. And right before bedtime begins, pause. Take a breath. You don’t have to be perfectly calm, but try to ground yourself. A simple mantra can help:  “I am the leader. I create calm.”

When you approach bedtime with steady, confident energy (even if you’re faking it a little at first),  it sends a powerful message to your child: You’re safe. I’ve got this. And that’s what helps them relax and settle into sleep.

Tackle toddler bedtime once and for all

So, there you have it! The top 5 bedtime mistakes that are keeping your toddler up and keeping you stuck in survival mode.

If this hit home for you, I hope you see that with some simple changes, bedtime doesn’t have to be a battlefield. And you don’t have to keep figuring it out alone. I can show you a proven, step-by-step system called the REST Method® so you can go from chaos to calm—fast.

If you’re ready to take the first step, check out my free Toddler Sleep workshop linked here.